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Let's Read: Nintendo Power #4
I've had a change of heart and decided to continue my "Let's Read" series for a little bit longer. I'm having fun doing it, and that's what counts, because this is my blog and I am allowed to change my mind for no reason whatsoever, so nyah. 
As you can see from the cover shot, Zelda II: The Adventure of Link is the focus for this issue. This is a posed cover with an actor dressed as Link looking down on a manequin made up to look something like a sleeping Princess Zelda lying in repose on a stately bed. Sure, it's not Simon Belmont holding a severed head, but at least it isn't a pair of track shoes with afterburners. Thank goodness.
Nintendo Power #4 - January/February 1989 - 105 pages - $3.50
Wrestlemania - Once again, the game featured on the cover doesn't get first billing in the magazine. This WWF (not WWE; they haven't lost to a bunch of pandas yet) game scores six of the biggest superstars in wrestling, including both the iconic Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant. Sadly, Nintendo's religious censorship rears its head, as Hogan's power-up in the game, which is a golden cross on a chain, is referred to as a "Golden X" instead. I guess this is technically accurate, as a cross rotated at a 45-degree angle will resemble an X, but it's kind of insulting to Hogan anyway. Hogan and Andre get full-page write-ups, while Bam Bam Bigelow, Ted DiBiase, Honky Tonk Man, and Randy Savage have to share pages with one another. As a personal opinion, I always thought Nintendo's own "Pro Wrestling" was the undisputed king of wrestling titles on the NES, but several of my friends at the time swore Wrestlemania kicked its keister. You be the judge, brother.
Captain Nintendo - Part two of the "so bad it's bad" piece of fanfic which premiered last issue. Three more pages of character non-development, cringeworthy slangtalk from a computerized AI, an entire room of Nintendo Game Counselors, Link fighting Mother Brain, and Gannon flinging fireballs everywhere. The hero doesn't even get the girl in the end. Eventually, this idea for a new mascot for Nintendo was re-written and turned into the cartoon series "Captain N: The Game Master," which apparently left the original editor who wrote it in a bit of a huff (somewhat understandably, as it always sucks to see something you create turned into something else). In any case, outside of the TV, this is the last time we'll see Captain Nintendo in this magazine and children everywhere have slept far better for it since.
The contest this issues is Writer's Focus which asks aspiring writers out there to craft their very own game-related story somewhere between 1,000 and 2,000 words for the potential to win one of several scholarship bonds. Not a bad idea really, though again, I'd have hated to be the editor forced to wade through the slush pile that I've no doubt got dumped in their mailroom. 
Sesame Street 1-2-3, a game for younger NES gamers, gets a two-page spread here. The cart itself is actually two games, with "Ernie's Magic Shapes" is a matching game where the player must help Ernie create the object he needs by matching shapes and colours, while "Astro Grover" has you learning shapes and numbers as you help some extra-terrestrial visitors get back home. Cute games, but very simplistic and meant for children who are in pre-school or kindergarten.
We finally get to our cover feature with Zelda II: The Adventure of Link - seventeen pages of Link-y goodness as NP gives us the skinny on power-ups, magic spells, enemies, bosses, and even provides some hand-drawn maps of the overworld and a number of the dungeons as well. As if that isn't enough, it scrolls right into the poster for this issue as well, which features an artistic representation of the overworld on it's front side, and some "Skate Or Die"-themed artwork on the back. Neither side is worth destroying the magazine in order to remove the poster, but the Zelda map at least is functionally helpful for navigating.
The back of the poster merges nicely right into the Skate Or Die feature, with plenty of screenshots and breakdowns of the different events, including a pair of very valuable maps for the "Jam" and "Race" events showing where all the paths lead and pointing out some areas where you can score extra points. They don't mention the bonus score for jumping on the police car at the end of the Jam, but maybe Nintendo was trying to discourage those gnarly board riders from tormenting The State too badly. It was such a more innocent age back then...*wistful sigh*
Howard & NESTER has an Olympic theme to it. This might have been more appropriate to last issue, where "Track & Field II" was the cover feature, but it's still amusing, with Nester having been picked to compete in a variety of stadium events and fouling everything up for himself and his fellow athletes, even with Howard as his well-intentioned coach. The final line of the comic actually made me giggle, so they're doing just fine.
Counselor's Corner gets innundated with questions about Super Mario Bros. 2, especially how to find the Warp Zones. Additionally, the Counselors point out a potentially game-breaking bug in the fight with Fryguy and give a workaround for it (though it will cost you a life to restart the level). Golgo 13, Wizards & Warriors, The Legend of Zelda, and Castlevania II also get some tips and pointers. We also get introduced to four more game counselors, including Brian Taney who is one of the editors for Nintendo Power.
Classified Information - Agent numbers return for everybody's favorite NP regular feature. Double Dragon starts things rolling with a couple of amusing little glitches in level 1, a way to beat level 2 without fighting the boss, and the now-infamous Infinite Hearts trick. Mega Man comes next, with the pause/unpause trick to do massive damage to enemies with one shot from a weapon as well as a recommended order of attack for the stages. The Konami Code shows up again, this time for Lifeforce. A way to cheat your way to wealth in Gauntlet, some tips for Bionic Commando, a way to bypass an annoyance in Blaster Master, and a couple ways of helping you rig the games of Track & Field II round out this issue's contribution to game domination.
Now Playing starts off with "Marble Madness" scoring the first few pages, with some hints about enemies and maps for a few stages. Very useful, as this game requires a lot of memorization before you can even think about getting beyond the first couple of levels. "Operation Wolf" follows with a short run-down of the items you can find and very brief discussion of the resistance you face in each of the game's six stages. It also spoils the game by showing the last screen with the president congratulating you on a job well done. What's scary is that he doesn't look like Ronald Reagan or George Bush so much as a stereotypical caricature of your everyday fat-cat tobacco lobbyist. Maybe Konami was trying to tell us all something? A triple-play segment takes a look at three new NFL titles: "John Elway's Quarterback", "Tecmo Bowl", and "N.F.L. Football" all get their pros and cons weighed. Something to consider: people are still playing "Tecmo Bowl" (and "Tecmo Super Bowl") to this very day. I don't like sports games and even I play "Tecmo Bowl". It really is that damn good. As if to belabour this point further, Nintendo got Doug Reed of the Rams to play and rate each game, and Tecmo Bowl got the top score. Go on ahead, break out the ROM and play a few quarters; I'll wait for you to get back.
Back? Good. Feel free to let me know who you escorted to the Super Bowl in the comments section (go Colts!). Also, I can't help but think that the artwork at the bottom of page 72 depicts some of the manliest cheerleaders I've ever seen put on a uniform. C'mon, editors...was that the best you could do?
Finally, "Metal Gear" inches into the spotlight, with Kojima no doubt utterly clueless that it's the start of a franchise that will be going strong even twenty years later. Unfortunately, Nintendo of America manages to screw up a bunch of things in the localization process - the main baddie is "Vermon CaTaffy" and not Big Boss (no doubt playing on the name of Colonel Gaddafi, the leader of Libya since 1969), and FOXHOUND is referred to as "the Fox Hounder Group." On the brighter side, they show off a bunch of the weapons and equipment that can be found, show a couple of floorplans for the base, and give some hints for taking care of the bosses. And really, for all its translation gaffes (several of which have since acquired Internet Meme status), it's still a great foundation for what is yet to come.
Video Shorts kicks off with a mini-preview of "Friday the 13th" with four screenshots, and a hilarious mis-identification of Jason's mother's head as a "blue cave wolf". "World Games", "Star Soldier", "Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde", "Bump 'N Jump", "Rampage", "Othello", "Robowarrior", "Spy vs. Spy", "Gyruss", and "Q*Bert" also receive mini write-ups. All in all, nothing to get terribly excited about.
Pak Watch gives us our first look at "Ninja Gaiden" (predicting it will be huge; they're right of course). The 'gossip gremlins' make an appearance to talk about the Consumer Electronics Show (this is before it became known as E3). Four basketball games come out of the locker room, "Robocop" gets delayed, "Bayou Billy" still has no firm release date, "Guardian Legend" (one of my favorite NES games of all time) is previewed, games based on the TV shows "Knight Rider" and "Air-Wolf" are coming, Data East is rumoured to be converting "Bad Dudes" to the NES (yes, and they foul it up horribly), "Defenders of the Crown" will let you play as Robin Hood, and Konami is bringing everyone's favorite fab four reptiles to the NES soon, though they assume it will involve an overhead view and lots of equipment selection a-la "Metal Gear" (which, come to think of it, would have made a pretty darn interesting Turtles game...). And... "Jump Burger" is coming. Don't ask me what that's supposed to be..."Burger Time" has been out for a year at this point.
The grand prize winner of this issue's Power Poll gets 5 different controllers, including an NES Advantage and an NES Max. Second prize is one of 10 copies of "Zelda II", and third place gets one of 50 Nintendo jerseys (still modeled by Howard Phillips). New to this issue is a fourth-place prize, where NP is looking for 100 people to critique the magazine itself. Power Critics get an ID card, notepad and pen and get to tell Nintendo Power what's cool and what's not about the magazine for the next six months. More than likely, this led at least one lucky winner to a future career in journalism.
NES Journal starts off with a showcase of a new hands-free controller which costs $120, but allows people who can't hold a normal NES controller to still play the NES. Not a bad idea, all told. Then, the bane of arcades everywhere shows up: the Play Choice-10 machine, which let you essentially "rent" Nintendo games for a few minutes at a time with every quarter or token you deposited. I imagine Nintendo made a mint off this sucker. They're still selling the Zelda and Mario hint books too, in case you haven't got yours yet. NP debuts another mini-column in this issue called "Sound Waves" which looks at current trends in pop music. In this case, Debbie Gibson, Julian Lennon (the son of ex-Beatle John Lennon), and Huey Lewis & the News all have new material coming out. Another one of those "space filler" things, I assume. The Celebrity Profile this time is US male Olympic volleyball star Karch Kiraly, who brought his NES to help the team kill time between games in Seoul, South Korea. Then, Nintendo would like to remind you about their forthcoming "Nintendo Cereal System". I actually remember eating this stuff when it came out...it wasn't bad.
This issue's Mail Box has a nice letter from a mother about how she and her four-year old son play the Nintendo together to help it stand out from the goofiness of some of the others. Another writer asks about Dragon Warrior, which has been delayed for the moment though Nintendo won't say why exactly. Long-time subscribers to Nintendo Power, though, know that it's probably so that Nintendo can backstock enough carts to meet the demand when they offer it as a freebie for new subscribers sometime on down the road.
NES Achievers doesn't break much new ground here, though one Ginny Rescigno throws down the gauntlet with a score of over three-quarters of a million points in "Mighty Bomb Jack".
Jose Carlos Quinones is the featured Power Player of the issue, bringing NES representation all the way from Puerto Rico. Also, Alex Thayer holds Raphael from the TMNT and Samus Aran from Metroid up as his role models. One of his listed goals is to get his father to quit smoking (wonder how that went...?)
Another few upsets at the top of the Top 30, especially with "Double Dragon" kicking up five spots to number 4, but mostly with "Super Mario Bros. 2" doing a super Luigi-esque high-jump into the #1 position with more than three times the number of votes of #2-ranked "Legend of Zelda". In addition, "Metal Gear" falls down to #8 and the screenshot for it features the hilarious "I FEEL ASLEEP" grammar error from one of the first screens. They couldn't find anything better to represent Konami's hit than that?
Now, at the end, we see that "Ninja Gaiden", "Hudson's Adventure Island" and "Zelda II" (again) will all be primary features of the next issue. Howard Phillips provides the closing editorial about Nintendo's trip to CES and promises that the next issue will be the most "powerful" yet. I don't know what it is, but there's always something so upbeat and positive about Howard Phillips that you just can't help but love him.
That's all for now...see you next issue!
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